The Escaped Fetal Pigs - "I Hate French" - Television Show

This is another performance from the local television show, a performance of "I Hate French" (at the beginning of the clip, you can also catch the end of "Squirrels", another one of our songs).  I particularly like this song because I got to play a bit of drums on it.  Earlier that day, in fact, I was the only drummer on it because Simon, our regular drummer, was doing something else during that song--I don't know what, perhaps locating that Bay City Rollers album he has in front of the kick drum here.  Here I get to just jump and bash the cymbals after a bit of help from Simon in locating a drumstick.  This was the last song of the set, so we were pretty giddy.  Mark is cracking up trying to get through the lyrics.  I also love Jim's hair flailing around while rocking out.  In addition, be sure to check out the lovely computer dot matrix printed banner in the background.  This performance dates from 1990 or 1991 somewhere in Northwest Ohio USA.

The Escaped Fetal Pigs - "Mr. Potatohead"

This video is from the same day The Escaped Fetal Pigs played three shows, if I remember correctly.  The first was a lunchtime college gig; this was the second, for a local cable television show.  The third was a bar gig at night.  We were pretty tired by the second performance, so I don't know how well the third went.  The television show was fun, but the host hated us.  He was into country music, and we were not his cup of tea as they say.  I don't know if this ever aired.  The show was called something like "The Tom Martin Variety Show"; it was fun playing it anyway.  This song is an ode to one of Mark's, our guitarist, favorite toys.  This performance dates from 1990 or so and was somewhere in Northwest Ohio USA.  I don't remember where.

2018 Ohio Race For Governor

What a pleasure it was a couple of weeks ago to drive to Pennsylvania and see a welcome sign that just had the usual stupid state tourism slogan ("pursue your happiness" or some similar nonsense) and didn't provide free advertising for politicians.  This spring, when Ohio takes down the current governor/lieutenant governor highway overlay signs, we shall see if they get replaced by new signs with the names of the new officeholders on them.  Odds are, they probably will, for the vanity of politicians holds few limits.  I did seek out the candidates on Facebook to see where they stood on this small but easy issue.  Most ignored me, of course, but the Libertarian candidate said that he also thought it was a stupid waste of taxpayer money and was against it.  So, here's a shoutout to Travis Irvine for taking the right stance.  I was a little surprised the Greens didn't go anti governor's name on the welcome sign, as they did last election, but maybe they are just too disorganized this time to respond.  The Democrats ignored me, which was no different from their stance in the primary election.  At least, I could message them though.  For the Republicans, I was reduced to just posting a comment on one of their posts.  If this is any indication of how they will govern, then we can look forward to being ignored.  Unless, of course, we're a big campaign donor.  Politicians . . . sigh.

New Song!: "Rubber Ducks"

This one is about how things that are really popular can be sometimes forgotten. Today, not many kids would know who Hopalong Cassidy is, but in the 1950s, millions of lunchboxes featuring him were sold, and he was arguably the most famous fictional American for a time. Ditto for Deanna Durbin. Today, mainly only hardcore Hollywood history buffs know her name. Tack is more obscure. He was a popular local wrestler, and I wondered what happened to him. The rubber ducks are even more obscure and only popular in a single household (other rubber ducks are similarly popular in their own respective households). Whether it's Donald Trump or an ex-lover, cheer up, odds are that he, she, or it will ultimately be more or less forgotten as time moves on. Some phenomena defies this entropy to forgetfulness such as Shakespeare or Marilyn Monroe but not much. The weird sound on here is the toy xylophone. You can check out the MP3 here. Really, this stuff is much more fun and cheaper than therapy. The lyrics are below. It's the same deal as always. If you like a song, then feel free to cover it if you're in a band or whatnot. I love to hear covers of my songs, so please let me know about your version. If you start making money, then send me a check/we can work out a deal. Similarly, if you want to use a song for your Youtube video or whatnot, then just let me know. It's usually fine by me unless it's a commercial product or whatnot (and then it's likely fine as well--I just want my cut). Find out first though. Write me at wredfright ATATAT yahoo DOTT com.

The Hopalong Cassidy lunchbox has long since rusted away.
And the kid who carried it? His every hair has turned gray.

Even once popular things can get forgotten.
I hope someday to forget about you.

The Deanna Durbin fan club once numbered over a million strong.
Today, almost no one remembers her, so few are left to sing along.
"Pain is temporary, but Tack is forever" was his professional wrestling motto.
Today, at his corporate job, no one cheers, and he dreams of winning the lotto.

My little boy doesn't want his rubber ducks anymore with him in the bath.
They sit nice and dry in the closet as he takes a shower on his grown-up path.

Written October 2018
Recorded October 2018

"Martha Stewart's Guide To The Nuclear Apocalypse"

I’m having so much fun these days, but I know the news can turn grim, so I want to show you that no matter how bad it can get, you can still have a stunning home. That should ease some of your minds. With the wonderful products from my growing collections, even a fallout shelter can be pretty. I will demonstrate how each one works, and how it can make your day-to-day lives easier even when it is time to duck and cover from an impending nuclear attack.

This week, I spent an entire day in an undisclosed friend's private fallout shelter. I can't tell you whom he is, but you do see him on tv a lot these days, which reminds me that I will showcasing my new nuclear war collection on QVC this Wednesday. Our series of segments begins at two minutes to midnight and continues throughout the day, just like a missile barrage, until my last appearance at 11pm ET. or the American communications system is disrupted by an electromagnetic pulse. I can tell you if that happens, then I plan on being well-stocked up with my latest book, “Martha’s Flowers, A Practical Guide to Growing, Gathering and Enjoying”, so I, the hosts, crew, and studio audience won't be bored and will be ready to go when nuclear winter turns to nuclear spring. I can't wait to see what the radioactivity does to mutate my garden! I also plan on sharing more items from my apparel line--gasmasks, long sleeved shirts to guard against fallout on the skin, and my cheeky glow-in-the-dark t-shirts with inspirational slogans such as "Make America Glow Again!" on them. I am perhaps most proud of the stylish sneakers that anchor the line. With these on, you will easily be able to sprint to the nearest building and take shelter inside to wait out the fallout.

And that's a great place to start, with my Martha Stewart Fallout Shelter doors. I love them! An attractive yellow and black design modeled on the iconic Department of Defense fallout shelter, these inch thick doors should guard not only against the initial shock wave of the detonation, but also efforts by desperate neighbors to pry their way inside. They won't be able to hear you through the doors, but if they could, you could tell them the coupon code for a 10% discount on MarthaStewart.Com, so they will be better prepared the next time the bomb brings the neighborhood together.

Meanwhile, inside the shelter, you will be having a delightful time, with my Martha Stewart Emergency Generator, because you won't be able to count on the electrical grid and other utilities not being disrupted by the intense firestorms that will break out after the initial bomb blast. My solar panels will soak up any sunlight that gets through the atmosphere of dirt, ash, and dust created by the explosion and subsequent fires. And, when it is safe to go back outside, you can clean your house with my Martha Stewart Pressure Washer. An intense jet, paired with the detergent used in the on-board tank, blasts away grime to help preserve all that you want to clean. You'll feel as if you are nuking the dirt away yourself!

Of course, before that, you'll be inside for a long time waiting out the fallout, and you will inevitably get the munchies after the initial adrenaline-filled terror subsides, so I have brought out my new canned food line. Based on the military's MRES, which stands for Meal Ready-To-Eat, mine are MRS, which stands for Martha's Ready-To-Snack. They are guaranteed to last at least a decade, so you can stock up ahead of time in case nuclear winter kills all the vegetation in your garden and no fresh food is available for years. While you are waiting for the plants to grow again, assuming you don't perish of radiation poisoning in the meantime, you can utilize my new book, a wonderful resource for learning how and when to plant, nurture, and, at the perfect time, cut from the garden. I also shouldn't forget to mention the Martha Stewart Electric 2-in-1 Edger and Trencher tools. Not only does it create a clean line along flower beds, walkways, and borders, and cut a crisp trench with a three-position depth adjustment, but you can also use it as a weapon to defend against any looters, invading armies, or radioactive mutants who might attack you once you leave the fallout shelter.

And it comes in the same great colors as all the gardening products in my collection: black, slate, and a pretty mint color!

I hope you never have to experience a nuclear attack, but if you do, then these great products from the Martha Stewart collection will make it more bearable. And, best of all, I just signed a deal to manufacture and sell these items in North Korea, so, if my influence grows there, then, someday, even the missiles bearing the nuclear warheads might be more stylish!